The Curious case of DDLJ Climax

Off-late, many people on Facebook have been sharing this particular still from DDLJ

I say this frame or rather the scene sums up Bollywood .. good and bad. 

Lets analyze the hidden attributes

ILLOGICAL : Someone has rightly said LOVE IS BLIND.  The director rightly used this theory and seized the opportunity for Simran to take the longer route (she's in Love, my bouy) and thereby accomplish the feat of stretching the climax by 2-3 more minutes 

ROMANTIC : In  the end, Good boy always gets the girl. that's how we are brought up to believe in Bollywood. There's no way Papa - The Great would have changed his mind later and simran may have taken a flight to London. She has to board this train NOW itself as audience has come to see the dilwala take his dulhaniya in slow motion. else give our money back.

MELODRAMA : The train has just begun to move. Yet its so important to stay loyal to the script and complete the dialogues before the marathon begins. "Jaa beti .. jee le apni Zindagi" . She is stunned for a few seconds " baap maan gaya ? " and suddenly she is like "Oh Shit, gaddi jaa rahi hai. here i go " . But we loved it !!

METAPHOR : This might also be the most intelligent scene in the film. You feel euphoric when Raj's hands finally manage to grab a desperately rushing Simran's hands. That moment is a metaphor for the movie title - Dilwale Dulhaniyaan Le Jaayenge :) Am sure Aditya Chopra must have thought exactly before he decided to throw logic out of window.

FATHER'S LOVE ( REALLY ??) : Simran's father is so caring and protective of his daughter. Yet he is brave enough to release his daughter's arms from his grip so that she may run, run fast and try to board a running train. He knows she won't get hurt cause the movie has to end. Inversely, someone must have told Raj that the train was the last one EVER to arrive at that station. Hence he doesn't board off even when he sees Simran struggling to make it.

CORRUPTION : Was the driver bribed ? Daughter is begging father to let her go ... father thinks, he thinks hard and lets her go finally after saying his lines. In between all this, the train continues to move ahead like one of those leisurely paced toy trains. Daughter is no P.T.Usha. Driver knows that. The train never seems to catch up speed till the inevitable happens.

My Review : The Dirty Picture

What I LIKED :

1. It's Vidya Balan all the way. A couple of weeks ago, Ranbir stamped his authority to bag the Best Actor awards next year. This Friday seals it for the Best Actress one. The ease with which she slips into the character, will shock the ones, who were spell-bound by her roles/performances in Parineeta and Paa.

2. Silk's character is unapologetic about herself, right from start to end . She is flawed, outrageously bold with negative shades and hence the character is believable. This morning, I read some reports comparing the central plot with Madhur Bhandarkar's Fashion, which's uncalled for, as Priyanka's character is much more vulnerable then Vidya's.

3. Some scenes were superbly handled. Like the one in which Vidya kisses Tushar to spoil '2 parties', the one in which Vidya runs around the street crazily shouting if anyone's there to talk, the award speech by vidya...

3. Emraan Hashmi's character graphing was interesting. After making all the bold statements to prove movies primarily run cause of scripts, eventually even he falls prey to the commercial masala towards the end.

4. The bold scenes are so erotic, but they are never obscene or vulgar. That's a difficult thing to achieve.

What I DIDN'T LIKE :

1. Vidya-Emran conversations. 
As Abraham (Emran's character) can't stand the fact that item songs and masala sell, and not award-winning scripts, his scenes with Vidya should have lightened up the screen. Instead what we have, is the cliched 'i win, you lose' stuff. Abraham developing feelings for Silk, out of nowhere, is also hard to digest.

2. Suddenly, Vidya and her rival star break into a dance at a party.

3. The completely misplaced sufiyana song, pushed in, probably in the most boring 15 minutes of the movie.


4. Fine, dialogues are great but why throw in heavy-weight lines at every possible chance ?? They consistently range from being cheesy (dil hota hai left mein, magar hamesha right hota hai) to applause worthy (har aadmi ke liye ek aurat bani hai... jab tak usse bachoge, aage badhoge) that after a point, you feel every character in the movie is a born poet and writer.

What I HATED :
TUSHAR KAPOOR .... Any tom,dick, harry could have played that role. Why him ?  .. just look at the way he looks at Vidya .. like a 5 year old kid, desperately expecting a chocolate from Silk aunty .. 


Verdict :
Its not perfect, not even close . Its a just-about-good movie, made enjoyable by the livewire act of Vidya Balan. Watch it once !


My Rating : 3/5

The Rain & Angel

         She was alone, completely drenched, shivering very badly, frozen and stiff. It was pouring down very heavily. I quietly went and stood besides her, holding my umbrella, covering both of us from the unseasonal rain. She didn’t mind that. I had been seeing her around for quite few weeks now. I couldn’t take my eyes off her when I first saw her. Her small, but dark brown eyes were so expressive. I would look towards her adoringly and often she would stare back at me, which would give me a “sense of recognition”. I had tried to approach her on more then a occasion, but she would always retreat back. ‘why was she so petrified of me?’ It would irk me then. I remember once I was almost at a hand-shaking distance, but then I saw her mother who was right there along-side her, which scared the hell out of me. So our association never went beyond looks and stares. Today was the ideal opportunity to break the ice.

     
And then she collapsed ! The weather had taken it’s toll on her. Without thinking for a second, I took her up in my arms and rushed home. Mom opened the door, and not surprisingly, was shocked on seeing the unexpected guest with me. “Are you out of your mind ? ” was her instant reaction. But then, looking at the semi-conscious living being in my arms, who was still trembling profusely, she understood the whole situation. As I entered, mom asked me to lie her down on the sofa.  Soaking a piece of cloth in hot water, mom placed it over HER fore-head. I sat there just watching her silently, and trying to figure out what was it about her, that made me feel she’s my responsibility. Slowly, she re-gained her consciousness completely. And as she opened up her eyes and looked around, she panicked for a few seconds before she saw me sitting besides her. I could make out that she felt comfortable on seeing me around. While having her lunch, she was not at all ashamed of flaunting her whole-some appetite for the potato sabzi & dal-rice made by mom that day. ‘What about her mother?’ and I thought so. ‘She must have been so worried and concerned for the where-abouts of her child by now.’
      
       I wanted her to be there with me for some more time but for her mother’s sake, I decided other-wise. How I wished it rained for some more time. She’s so very … Wait ! where was she ? Well, I never realized when she had got up and walked towards our balcony. I didn’t know for how long she had been standing there looking out towards the rain. But I wasn’t going to lose this moment and grabbed my camera immediately. With the background of dark clouds, drizzling rain, some greenery and herself being in the foreground standing rock-steady, the described picture-perfect image remains the best one in my collection. Once done with that, I enjoyed the view, standing along-side her. Unconsciously I put my hand over her, and she didn’t mind. She wasn’t petrified of me anymore. A small spell of rain can work wonders. The moment lasted for, maybe, just about a minute or so, but it remains one of the most cherished moments till date.  One look from mom and I knew she wanted me to drop our guest back as soon as possible. With a heavy heart, I decided to follow my mom’s order.
     
 I dropped her to where I had picked her from … Her mother was there, waiting. She didn’t even growl or bark at me. She knew Angel had been taken good care of. Yes, I named her Angel. My bonding with Angel is something beyond words, and literally. Cause we never spoke with each other and yet we spoke !
        
Since then, whenever I go out for a walk, I always make it a point to carry ParleG biscuits, Angel’s favourite. Often I see her near our Society Complex, sometimes outside the Grocery store, at times sleeping on the foot-path, but mostly I find her .. at the same spot where I had picked her from ! And I don’t know, each time, whether I find her out or she finds me.

UDRS Confusion Exposed !

IN the thrilling INDIA-ENGLAND tie, Yuvraj had appealed for an LBW against Ian Bell which was turned down by the umpire. Dhoni went for the referral (UDRS : Umpiring Decisions Really Silly) . Replays were being showed on the big screen. Bell started walking. Indians started celebrating. Crowd started roaring. But the umpires were taking unusually long time to arrive at the decision. Here is the complete transcript of the conversation between third umpire R.Tucker and ground umpire Billy Bowden :

Billy : so what do you think ?

Tucker : am thinking of the Hamburgers. Really miss them billy. They call it ‘wada pav’ here

Billy : yeah, am hungry too. So many 4’s and 6’s .. Tired of dancing again and again. Lets give him OUT and have some rest.

Tucker: it does Look OUT billy . It is hitting the stumps but ..

Billy : but what ?

Tucker : he’s more then 2.5 metres ahead

Billy :  WOW !  I thought Only Pakistan bowlers are capable of bowling such a Huge No-Ball .

Tucker : No .. Not the Bowler .. I am talking about the Batsman …

Billy : oh ! .. 2.5 ahead huh !?  So what is that supposed to mean ?

 Tucker:  don’t know .. but it must mean something. Cause the text here showing ‘more then 2.5 meters’  is in BOLD unlike other plain texts.

Billy : so what do we now ?

Tucker : No Idea.

Billy : Get an Idea.

Tucker : I don’t have ICC rule book here with me right now.

Billy : can’t we just leave the decision to the players… like in Sydney Test Match where the umpire once asked Ponting if ganguly could be given out ….

Tucker : Can't do that. Ponting is an Australian ! only they enjoy those privileges.

Billy :  yeah.. hey … why don’t you ‘Google’ and find out the solution to this '2.5 metre stuff'

Tucker : Great Idea, but I don’t have internet on my VODAFONE … wait .. what’s that … it’s a bird … NO .. it’s a plane .. IS it an Alien … WAIT ! its Vodafone 3G-Man to my rescue ...

Billy : great .. so NOW Browse quickly and select some good search result for this problem.  … also ask that puppet-thing why doesn’t he wear clothes

Tucker : hey, I Got it ! .. The rule book says that if the batsmen is more then 2.5 meters ahead, the ground umpires should take the Decision. So, its over to you Billy

Billy : What the hell ? then what is this UDRS for ? I refer it to you .. and then you refer it back to me .. Fine then .. Now I refer it back to you again .

Tucker : and my decision is ‘Going with your Decision’

Billy : Ok .. I say he’s ‘Not Out’ .. C’mon now, press the Green Signal ..

Tucker : Billy, don’t be silly ! look at the crowd.. These people were even ready to be ‘Beaten’ to get a ticket for this match . they  will make ‘Tucker Curry’ for their dinner if I give ‘Not Out’.

Billy : then what about me ??

Tucker : I will pray for you.

Billy : You owe me Big Time Tucker

Tucker : I do ! hey look  billy… Bell is already bored … he’s walking away

Billy : how dare he ?? I decide if a player goes or not. And I say that ‘He stays’. 

Tucker : Sure buddy ! just like you also decide where a fielder should stand, and not the captain ..

        

Video Karaokes sung by me

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Tum Se Hi
Sham

yeh hubli ki chok bhaasha baa !

It was 7 am. 

My table clock, in snooze mode, was trying in vain to bring me back to reality world. And then, finally a voice woke me up … rather shook me up as my ears sent some signals to my sleeping brain cells which really needed to be woken up to interpret this particular piece of data . 

The signal read ‘Yen macha, ut jaa .. late ho gaya’ …

NOW, I knew just about enough kannada to know 'Yen' mean 'what'. It’s the 2^nd word which my brain cdn’t decode : Macha ! M-A-C-H-A… NO .. not there in my database ! maybe my ears erred !

‘What did u say bro ?’ I asked

‘Its late macha’ my room-mate replied.

MACHA !!?? .. NOW my ears can’t cheat me twice in 5 seconds.  User Input was indeed correct then ! … Time to ‘ADD NEW to DATABASE’ (dbms was always my fav)

To enlighten myself then, i asked  ‘What is this ‘MACHA’ ? is it a slang ?’

Nahi BAA ! aisa kuch nahi.. Macha is a casually used term here. Tu jaldi ready ho BAA !

Great ! 'Macha' was not even being processed completely, now this BAA came ! what  BAA ? Baa as in the grandma Baa of saas-bahu serials ??! Was he going to tell me that is also a casually used term ?

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Macha was enuf for today. Maybe I’ll learn more new things myself with time. So I didn’t bother him to ask about the BAA theory.

IN CLASSROOM, as I was trying to note down the points written on the blackboard (yes, I was crazy enuf to make notes then :D), this one guy asked me 

‘Itna kyun gudaadke likh raha baa … will take Xerox notes from some1’ …

NOW, I had come across that popular ‘khunal-khunalke’ in that famous Hyderabadi comedy flick. Maybe ‘Gudaadke’ was something close to that ! Interesting :D … I was indeed learning a lot here from 1^st day itself ! And by this time, I had also found out that ‘macha’ and ‘baa’ were indeed commonly used terms.

At lunch-break, after a formal introduction to each other, I went to college canteen with 2 later-to-become-good friends.

‘main fried rice loonga’’ I decided.

“Fried Rice nako ! Dosa ” one of them said.

So then ! I was literate enuf to understand this one. But still, the word Nako ??!! isn’t that a Marathi word ? did he intentionally use it as a Marathi word ? I asked him about it.

‘yeh belgaum ke lok yahan aake sab Marathi mix karte hain’, remarked the other. 

Hmm ! .. sensitive issue i thought . Shouldn’t go ahead with this one !

Later, in the day, one of them was narrating some story of his, at the end of which I remarked “tu chaava hai bey” ... Now 'chaava' is a Mumbai-special used for addressing ‘Cool Dude’. Obviously, both of them were alien to this gyaan. In a perfect sync, both reacted ‘KYA???’. I explained what I meant and told them I’ll be careful not to add the Mumbai spice to my hindi next time.

‘arey, aisa kuch nahi baa. U speak hindi in your style. We will learn the mumbaiyya hindi from you. Tujhe maalum nahi kya ? hubli is called ‘Chota Mumbai’’.. one of them stated.

Chota Mumbai ??!! Going by the geographical areas of both the cities, even CHOTA sounds ridiculous . So whats the logic for this title then ??

‘The spirit of young Hubli is on par with the Mumbai spirit’ justified one.

‘The crime level in Hubli is almost touching the Mumbai level now’, said another.

‘So does Hubli pride itself to be tagged as ‘Chota Mumbai’ when Mumbai itself is planning to become India’s Shanghai’ I asked them. The rest of the discussion was irrelevant as we went on and on about how cities should strive to have their own identities and all.

Anyways, coming back to their offer of me teaching them Mumbaiyaa Hindi, i co-relate this one with that famous joke in which Lalu Prasad Yadav is sent to United States to learn English and when his wife Rabri Devi calls up to check out his progress, Bill Clinton answers ‘Haalo, hum Bilva bol raha hun’..

Because later, when I went home to celebrate Diwali, my parents and friends were shocked to find my upgraded version of Hindi, which was now coming out so naturally to me. My friends threatened they would cold-blooded murder me if they hear me using ‘BAA’ again.

Back in Hubli, once i went to a near-by stationary shop to purchase a bath-soap.

'Uncle, ek LifeBouy saabun dena', i said.

After going through his stock uncle replied back, 'LifeBuoy nahin hai, Cinthol saabun hona kya ??

If i were to make a shudh Angrezi translation of this one, it would translate as :

'I don't have LifeBuoy, do you want Cinthol to happen ??'

Thankfully, my brain had become more smarter since the 'macha' experience and it decoded 'hona kya' part successfully :).

Those were the days when Mungaru Male songs had become a sensation in the whole of Karnataka.  I liked them too especially ‘anisutidhe’ for it’s purity and ofcourse Sonu Nigam. As I queued up the songs in my playlist, my roommate made sure I wasn’t missing out on Mungaru Male songs. As ‘anisutidhe’ started playing,

‘wat a singer. Tujhe pasand ha ki nahin Sonu nigam ?' i asked him.

‘haan yaar. Unhe mast gaata. Lekin Unhe kannada songs bahut kam gaata' he replied.

‘Sahi baat hai. Kyunki Use hindi songs ke liye jyaada paise milte hai. ‘ I reasoned and waited in anxiousness to see if he observed me and if he rectifies his Unhe with Use in his next sentence.

‘lekin, I feel after this Mungaru Male success, Unhe kannada songs bhi gayega’ he said.

Rectification was Done ! the other way around though. Very Soon, Use became a history in my own Hindi Vocabulary.

2BV044IS030 - Adolf Hitler

Hitler Finds out that Life isn't Easy

as an ISE student in our college.